The Man with the Lost Soul

Welcome to my first blog!! I am feeling so excited to be taking on such a new endeavour in my life. Writing has never been a passion of mine, nor a way of expressing creatively what I feel inside.  However, the purpose of this blog is a new way of expression and connection. Take a leap of faith if you may and stay with me. Recently I have decided to make an enormous change in my life surrounding my work. I have been a preschool teacher for about 10 years and finally took the courage and listened to my inner voice who had been calling on me for ages “You have a greater purpose!” I have found the strength to take courageous action towards making and living my purpose. My true calling is to be a life coach and interventionist, and here I am! Doing what I love and spreading the love to all. I want to help as many people as I can reach their truest potential, connect with their truest selves and their heart.  My experience through self improvement programs has been a wild ride of emotions, ups and downs, enormous breakthroughs and sharing so much love and connection with people all over the world. I want to spread this love around, teach people how to find themselves and take them through this incredible journey of self discovery.

Anyone who has something to offer and share with the world can make their voice heard today with easy access to the world wide web. All you need is a computer and an internet connection. How fabulous is that? On to my mission. My mission is to bring clarity , inspiration, enlightenment and connection between me and my readers. Knowing that I’ve helped even one person feel better, connect with themselves on a deeper level, or it might be something simple and minor such as an “aha” moment that sounds familiar to them, that they can relate to.  This lights up my inner being, lights up my world and brings me closer to living my true calling as a life coach and interventionist.  Are you on board? If you are, join me, but first I’d like to take you on a journey of a man who unfortunately ran out of time, never having had the chance to listen to his hearts voice.

I’d like to share a story with you. This story has a lesson in it.  It is a story of a man with a sad ending. He had lived a life of pain and hurt stemming from his childhood, leaving him with deep seeded scars he never over came. Childhood trauma to the fullest extent. A little boy who had to curl under his covers at night, faking sleep in order to hide from his father who would usually beat him nearly to the point of unconsciousness. A boy who experienced physical, emotional and verbal abuse.  Abandonded by his mother at the age of 12 having to leave his childhood home and move to a foreign country solely with his father. A father who was hard, cruel and authoritarian to the fullest extent.

As a child you might think this is the end for me after going through something like that, but no it wasn’t. He wasn’t due yet. He grew up finally. He made it, he thought to himself, but how? God knows, we are more resilient as human beings than we know or give ourselves credit for. He grew up to be a very successful stockbroker and had a family of his own and a successful business of his own. He reached financial abundance early in his life time. One could say that his life was pretty much great. Not many can say that they have reached financial abundance or that they have a beautiful family to back them up and love them, for family is very important indeed. He had a beautiful wife and three lovely daughters. Life went on pretty smoothly for the most part up to the middle of his life. Lets say at fifty years old something changed. Something snapped!  Was he truly happy and fulfilled? On the outside it seemed that way to others as his children grew and as life went on from day to day.  However, the truth was, he carried his pain everywhere, it was always there on the cusp, ready to explode from the inside out. Rage. Rage was what came out instead. Rage towards his wife and children, towards life. His pain was never truly released, never felt or acknowledged in the right way. In a safe way. He never came to an awareness of himself or his behaviour. He never knew what he really needed in order to move past his pain of the past. He carried this pain like a beacon light shining and glowing, leading him towards dark places and irreversible mistakes instead.

It started off slowly one might say, his road to self destruction. Although his family might not have agreed. A change in a parents life or behaviour can disrupt the family peace quite quickly, and can be a shock for all. Choosing to fill his emptiness through outside sources rather than his family lead to disaster.  Bringing other people into his life lead him to think he could find solace in them, to fill up his endless abyss of emptiness. Instead these people wanted to exploit him, take advantage of him and lead him on. This went on for quite some time. Years passed as his family grew accustomed to this “new” way of living. The father staying more and more away from home, away from his wife and children. He was loosing his family, the connection with his children and his wife. His children were becoming almost adults, and he knew nothing of their personal lives or their feelings, having to grow up with only their mother there. He was no longer in their lives. He no longer knew what they were doing or what was going on for each child personally. He became more distant, more disconnected from himself, his family and his life. He had another life now.  A new and improved one, an exciting life, bigger and better than the one he had at home. Having to accept this was foreign to his family, but they had no other choice. He wouldn’t listen. Instead he chose the road which lead him down the spiral towards complete annihilation.

As the days went by and by with no change just the same of the same, suddenly the family received a phone call one early Monday morning. The call was from his secretary letting the family know that he hadn’t come into the office that morning, which was very unlike him. He always came to the office on Monday morning. He always checked in. That morning he didn’t. She thought it was reason enough to inform his family.  This of course was normal for his family. They were used to not knowing where he was or with who and when he would come home, if at all. As one day, two days, three days, four days passed and still no sign of him, suffice it to say that the family started to worry.  They decided to take action and go file a missing persons report at the police station. Its important to state that the father up until this point had a number of girlfriends one in which he particularly liked, and had mentioned to his children that he would be going to live with her in the near future. Days had passed since this declaration and still no sign of him.   With the police and the media now involved things were getting out of control.  After the news of his disappearance being on the 9 o’ clock news, the reporters were lined up the front of their house waiting to receive a statement from a family member. Still there was no sign of him. He had completely disappeared off the face of the earth. The case was open and on going. One evening the family received another phone call, from the police this time. They had found his car near the beach side with evidence pointing towards his death. There was blood found in the car and a number of his belongings. His briefcase, his portable phone, and but still no sign of him.

Up until this day the family of this man still don’t know exactly what happened to him. Twenty three years have passed and still they have found no body and don’t know how he died. There is evidence that points towards murder, but the case is now closed and remains unresolved. The family know that their father is dead after so many years because prior to his disappearance he had been diagnosed with cancer, and was given two years to live by his doctors. This was in 1992. He disappeared December 17th, 1994.

Your body never forgets. Your body never forgets what it has been through. The scars are imbedded in your heart and soul. They remember every little detail of your pain. The one part of your body that has the ability to forget is your mind. Your mind lets you forget anything ever happened. It leads you to numbing your past hurts, it tells you there are other ways to stop negative feelings. Really, you can find solace in drugs and alcohol, sex and food. There are endless ways the mind tells you.  It tells you you can’t heal from this. You can’t heal from your childhood pain, from your negative experiences. It compensates for them instead and makes generalisations that this is the way the world works, and this is how all people are. There is no way past this. This is who you are, you are damaged, broken, full stop. You are what your parents did to you and said to you about who you are and you have no control over that. So, you might as well accept it and be done with it. Your mind is your biggest enemy. Your heart is your biggest, all knowing, higher self. Your heart never forgets. In order to know this and feel this you must learn how to connect to your heart in order to begin the healing process, because there is a healing process and there is absolutely light at the end of the tunnel. However, you must reach for it, look for it and find it with the help of others. You can’t heal on your own. You can’t find your true inner self alone. Someone has to teach you, guide you, mentor you and coach you, but you have to take the first step and reach out.

Does anyone really know what goes on for each of us deep inside? The pain that each of our hearts has endured? The answer I have come to find is a definite yes! Loud and clear. Unless you choose to share your feelings and let people in to see the real you, you isolate yourself. Allowing yourself to feel all those negative emotions of shame, guilt, fear, pain and sadness alone leads to more of those feelings, which leads to indulging in negative patterns of behaviour, addiction, stagnation, aloneness and as we saw in this story eventually death. Not the physical death of our bodies. Thats not what happens first. First, your soul dies. You loose it when its too late. Don’t let that happen. No matter your experience, your pain of the past, reach out and share it. Reach out and ask for help. There is a purpose to your pain. I’ll say it again, there is a purpose to your pain. Your soul dies when you don’t grow as an individual. Happiness comes from emotional and spiritual growth. Find the purpose to your pain and you will be free.

Written by Christina Kyranis

Inspired by and dedicated to my father Michael Kyranis, 1935-1994.

 

 

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