Lost girl – Part 1

It was 3 A.M. as she lay awake in her bed, eyes wide open. She could not find peace in her busy mind.  Thoughts of unease and unhappiness filled her very soul. A deep emptiness came to her as she thought of herself and her life,  yet she had no idea why.

She thought she had everything. She was a mother, a wife and had a new home. Everything was suppose to be working, because she had all she ever wanted.  Still, the void remained, persisted and controlled every part of her being.

Eve was a 34 year old mom and recently married. Even though she had a daughter she always wanted, there was something missing she couldn’t quite put her finger on.

As she lay awake in her bed she thought her relationship with her husband might be the source of her sadness, frustration and emptiness. Most days she felt terribly alone since she was often alone at home with her baby. “Where’s the support ?” she thought often. “No one is ever here to help me. “

As days passed she found herself on her phone and on her computer a lot. Searching and searching on social media for some kind of distraction that would take her away from her troubled mind.

Totally unaware of what was really happening, she would find herself chatting to men online. Finally, She reconnected with an old friend.

Peter was a friend Eve had a huge crush on in high school and thought they could develope a connection through social media. That was a start at least !

They would chat everyday until one day he asked her out. She thought, “no I cannot go out with him, I have to stop this I’m a married woman.” Still she didn’t stop.

The first time they met face to face they had an instant physical attraction. He would subtly put his hand on her leg and say in her ear, “come on, let’s go to my place.”

She replied “ok, but just for a little, I have to be home soon.”

As soon as they were in his house he kissed her. It was so unexpected, she felt shock, but almost instantly was drawn to him. They kissed and kissed , until things started getting quite hot and heavy. Eve felt excited, turned on, alive! All her senses were heightened! She was on fire.

“At last, she thought, I haven’t felt this good for ages!”

Still, she managed to stop him from taking off all her clothes. “Stop, please, I can’t I have to go home!” She said to him.

“No please don’t go, your so beautiful, I can’t let you leave.” He replied.

“Yes, I have to.”

So she said goodnight to him, kissed him on the cheek and whispered in his ear, “until next time.”

Next time couldn’t come fast enough! As days passed, Eve busy with her responsibilities, they would text each other. They had developed some kind of connection and Eve thought it was magic. They hardly ever spoke on the phone. Usually it was texting online where their chats would go on for hours, especially at night and especially when Eve’s husband was not there. This was often,  since he constantly worked away from home. It gave her time alone to do whatever she wanted. This suited her fine since she had met Peter.

The next time they met she went straight to his house. They sat,  they drank and talked of their past and their time in high school, reminiscing of their younger years. Eve was always very open and shared everything about her marriage, her self and her high school crush on him. She would lead the conversations into the night and he would sit there listening ardently to her.

One evening, looking at her carefully, inspecting her, checking her out, her every move and every gesture almost mesmerized at her forthcomingness, her openness and sexiness, he thought, “I have to make my move now, I have to have this woman!”

“Eve, he said, come here.” She gets up off the couch and goes sits next to him. He pulls her on top of him and kisses her gently.

“Let’s go to my room, come on get up,” and he pulls her up and carries her to his room.

Eves mind is running wild. “Wow she says, wait stop Peter, maybe we should stop and go slow, this is going way too fast and I think we should slow down.”

”No.” was his one word answer.

As they lay on his bed, her mind is reeling! She’s never felt such a strong desire for someone, she wanted him so much.  It was almost like a high.  She was getting such intense feelings,  it was completely overwhelming. He made her feel so good so fast, it was equivalent to taking some kind of drug.

As she lay on his bed ,  he had left her briefly alone, she felt an incredible sadness creep up on her. She began bursting into tears.

“What’s going on with me?” She asked herself.  As she heard Peter reentering the room, she quickly wiped her eyes.

“Hey girl, what’s up? He says. Are you ok?”

“Yes, sure, she says, all good !”

“Great! That was amazing,”  he says to her.

As she drove home that night, she cried, tears rolling down her face, sobbing uncontrollably. She couldn’t for the life of her understand why she was crying.  A deep sinking feeling came to her and she felt sick to her stomach. She felt like she wanted to disappear. She didn’t want to go back to Peters and she didn’t want to go home. She wanted to be no where.

Peters’ and Eves’ relationship went on like this for ages, two years passed, three, four. They would see each other about twice or three times a month and go crazy with each other. Most of their time they’d spend in bed. He had her there for hours and she would love it. But everytime she left his house the same thing would happen to her. She would cry uncontrollably. When she couldn’t see him, she would go insane. Calling him, texting him, running after him. She couldn’t bare not to see him. Panic would set in when he said no I can’t see you, or when he wouldn’t answer his phone or reply to his messages. He had her where he wanted her and she was at his beck and call. She was entirely at his mercy.

Her emotions would fluctuate from despair and pain to elation. She was emotionally exhausted. She wanted it to stop. She couldn’t understand how he seemed to have such intense desire for her when they were together he couldn’t keep his hands off her, and yet afterwards,  he would just disappear, not giving her one ounce of attention. But when he wanted her, he was relentless, pleading for her to come to him. And of course Eve would run every time!

At some point Eve went for professional advice. She couldn’t understand what this relationship was, or the effect it was having on her. There were times, when he was unavailable, she would cry on the floor with an acute pain in her chest.  She couldn’t breathe.

She knew she had to get help.

 

 

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